idahophoenix (idahophoenix) wrote,

Gratitude and Sorrow

Thank you so much for all the comments. I'm still just posting from phone...will reply individually when I get to a computer and will create the filter for talking about S and my experience. For now, trigger warning for pit bull attack and discussion of trauma.

I've read a lot of your responses to Sparrowhawk...she finds it comforting and amazing that all these folks she doesn't even
en know are "with" her. This is the redemptive value of an experience like this. And there is much to say on this, burke I just need to talk about how awful it is.

Flashbacks. She has them when she closes her eyes. She can't feed herself or scratch an itch. She laughs about how her world has narrowed to whether there should be one pillow or two under her injured arms...getting them at the right ang

le means sleep and less pain. She jokes with my 6 year old nephew about looking like a pirate. He explains earnestly to me, when we're back in the lobby, that different dogs have different size mouths...and that a pit bull's mouth is big enough to bite your chin off. We agree that we are happy S still has her chin....and that it is funny that all the stitches make it look like she has a beard. Nephew reassures me that she doesn't look like Frankenstein.

I can't stop thinking. I am worrying tonight about all the that's overdue, a credit card I need to cancel since I lost my wallet Friday (before the attack), what it will be like to live next door to the family who owned the dogs, why my house is such a mess and OMG my sister is going to find out I smoke and, shit, did we put away the vibrator and the way I can see actual paw/claw/claw prints on Sparrow's breast and how close they got to her jugular and, god, we love dogs, please don't make this change that and all my procrastination at work leaves me in a shitty place to miss work and how can the worlds go on when god damn it, three dogs tried to kill my lover.

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